So once again our long national nightmare has come to an end, and to no one’s surprise – except the maggots – St John’s lost in the first round of the NCAA tournament. To those among you who are too young to remember Lou Carnesecca – or Steve Lavin – this will have come as no surprise. To long time fans like me who are slowly sliding into the grave: been there done that.

Personally I very much enjoyed this season. A 12-0 start that would have been 15-0 had not St John’s been butt-fucked in Jersey by rat-faced Kevin Willard; various quad one wins against Villanova and Marquette; and an NCAA tournament bid: a season termed a disappointment by die-hard fans living in the 1980s, but for me at time thrilling and in the end good enough I guess. I think a part of my enjoyment comprised my resolve to no longer read the faggotry that passes for commentary on various SJU fan boards and especially my decision to no longer rehash every awful loss and pathetic win on this stupid blog: because fuck the pressure I put upon myself to render my drunken day before scribblings into vague thoughts the morning after; and also fuck you, my dear readers.

Rather than rehash what was a what-might-have-been season – and kudos to all those who spent hours and hours minutely examining the OOC schedule and NET scores and RPI and whatever, because you’re not at all maggots – I hereby render the final season grades, and as usual no disagreement will be tolerated. As usual, we grade on a curve, meaning there’s an A and almost an F, which in today’s everybody gets a trophy world is a C minus.

Shamorie Ponds: A: someone’s got to get one. He is no – as I’ve been maintaining since forever – Marcus Hatten, who led St John’s to the post season twice in two years. He is however one of the more supernaturally talented players to have visited St John’s in a while and I count myself fortunate to have seen him play. He does not seem to have it, whatever it means, let’s call it a killer instinct, but he has something, which is more than most St John’s players have had in a very long time. Good luck to him.

LJ Figeroa: B plus: second best player on the team and with crazy upside: size, motor, skills. Looking forward to his second year.

Mustapha Heron: B: despite his 1-12 implosion in the tournament had a nice year and hopefully he returns for another. It’d be an NCAA slap in the face for him to have received a waiver to move back to NY to care for his ailing mother and then a scant nine months later abscond to Turkey or Lithuania to play pro ball, because NBA bound he is not. On the other had, I’d love to see the NCAA – the worst most corrupt organization since Tammany Hall – slapped in the face, so there’s that.

Justin Simon: B: numbers were down a little but his numbers as a sophomore were Dom Pointer’s as a senior. And defensive player of the year is nothing to sneer at. Hopefully he returns as well.

Brian Trible: C: a poor man’s Truck Bryant, he’s seems to be coming along nicely. Hopefully he takes a 1000 threes a day and steps up next year.

Bench (Williams, Earlington, Roberts): C: personally I’m not a fan of freshman and evidently neither is Mullin. Still, they all showed flashes and I’m not willing to give up on any of them and no good can come from any of them leaving, because continuity.

I am Marvin Clark: C minus: unlike on the court, he’s hard to defend. Scored no points in his last two games; fouled out of more than half of his last 10 college games; and was 16-52 from three over the same period. Yes he was playing out of position and yes he’s overcome a lot in his life and yes good luck to him but bottom line I do not care if the door hits him on the way out. Because he folded on the big stage and was the weak link before that.

Sedee Keita: C minus: No telling how much the injury effected him. Lamont Hamilton II: big body, small hands. Hopefully he comes back and gets better.

And now the big one:

Chris Mullin: B minus: on the plus side he won 20 games, won a must win game in the BE tournament and made the NCAAs; he coached a first team all BE selection and the BE defensive player of the year. That’s something. On the minus he’s not much of in-game coach – which to me in game coaching is over rated: bring in superior players and they will beat inferior players all day long. But here’s the thing: Mullin is one of us: a NYer and a SJ lifer and a non-hysteric non mental patient. Imagine what Steve Lavin might have done had his brother been diagnosed with cancer during the season and shortly thereafter died: he’d have donned sack cloth and ashes and taken a bereavement leave and then afterwards mentioned how devastated he was by the loss in every half time interview he did for years afterwards; whereas Mullin never mentioned it once: all he did was visit his brother in the hospital day after day after day and then get up and go to work and then when he died went to the funeral and mourned in private and then went to work. He acted like a fucking man and I welcome him back next year and fuck all the maggots lining up his successors, because that is not happening and your disappointment makes me hard.

Consider:

Subtract the team Norm Roberts left Steve Lavin with and you get this, Lavin’s subsequent record

13-19
17-16
20-13
21-12 (NCAA)

and compare it to this, Mullin’s record

8-24
14-19
16-17
21-11 (NCAA)

and subtract Lovett’s defection, and you have the same coach, except Mullin’s not Lavin.

So there we have it. What’s to look forward to? The Kentucky Derby and the Triple Crown and Saratoga punctuated by sloppy drunken star gazing on warm summer nights and various self-important dopes on St John’s board with insider information and shifting avatars starting vague rumors about how Matt Abdelmassih is moving to Nebraska. Same as it ever was. It’s going to be a long off season, I suggest you all find a hobby. Mine’s masturbation, but as usual YMMV and more cowbell.